apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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