I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
