Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
