I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I know her cup size but not her name....
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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