Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
