he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
