So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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