We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
