oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
