I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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