Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
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Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
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He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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