I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
