i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
