me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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