please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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