After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
