how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
