My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
