We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
