Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
how drunk are you?
Several
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
