The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
