Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
