Im at strip club and am horny
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
