nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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