Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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