I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
