have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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