He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
