In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
