Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
