FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I touched a dick in church today
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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