If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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