im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
