Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
