Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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