Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
