when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
