I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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