I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
