you would pick up someone in the library
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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