first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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