He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
