make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
