duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
