drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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