woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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