blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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