ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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