Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
