My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
