so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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