I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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