my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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