If that was your dad, he is hot
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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