I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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