..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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