so that wasnt chicken after all
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
