I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
