So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
