Girls should come with a carfax report
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
