my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
