His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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