Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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