his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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