i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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