go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
