Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
