I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
