I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
