I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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