he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I got her a Nickelback box set.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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